Stripper Goes Viral After Stopping To Eat Pizza On Stage And It’s HOT!

OMG. Lilly Moon is totally our spirit animal!

The stripper went viral after sharing a video over the weekend from Jumbo’s Clown Room in Hollywood, California.

No, not because of her boobs — because of her pepperoni! LOLz!

Photos: These Movie Stars Have Shown Peen — See The NSFW Dick-ture Proof!

After the dancers had gotten pizza, she decided to just go out there, sit down on the stage, and have her a slice.

Watch the performance (which, yes, includes some amazing dancing, too) and see more of Lilly (below)!

Ha! But don’t think she’s just sitting on her butt eating pizza all day! She’s burning those cheesy calories on the pole!

See more of her best pics (below)!

[Image via YouTube.]

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11 Things People Would Tell Their Pets If They Could Speak the Same Language

Sometimes, it feels like pets speak the same language you do. But what if you could actually, truly understand your pets, and they could understand you?  What would you say? Here are 11 pet owners on what the subject of their conversation would be if they had one hour to tell their pets everything they felt.


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Apple’s new ‘battery health’ feature is a great reminder that my iPhone will be a piece of trash some day

Everything dies.
Image: Lili Sams/Mashable

My iPhone isn’t even two years old, and it’s already dying.

That’s the upshot of Apple’s new “Battery Health” feature, introduced in iOS 11.3 Thursday. Though the device assures me it’s operating at “peak performance,” it also indicates that the battery can only hold 93 percent of the charge it once did.

So it goes. Every battery degrades over time, and there’s not a lot Apple can do about that. In fact, this new feature is a step in the right direction: it’s a sort of mea culpa after the tech giant was caught slowing down old devices without user consent, supposedly to combat unexpected shutdowns. The more information users have to counteract — or at least anticipate — the negative effects of iPhone aging, the better.

… Right?

Perhaps not! Though I’m certainly against secret iPhone throttling and generally in favor of information that helps consumers make good choices, this new battery indicator seems destined to result in two things: anxiety and iPhone-related purchases. That my iPhone now only operates at 93 percent of its original capacity is empty knowledge at best. It makes me extremely aware that my iPhone will eventually tick down to uselessness, and, yikes, it kind of makes me want to buy a new battery.

Conceded: This is extremely obsessive. (I am extremely obsessive.) But If you want to do something about your battery, your options are limited. Apple’s temporarily offering a great price on battery replacements for certain models, though you’ll typically shell out $79 for the company to handle this for you.

And folks, you will most likely need the company to handle this for you. iPhones are sealed shut and locked down with proprietary screws — not uncommon in the electronics industry — and they require specialized knowledge to take apart. We are an awfully long way from the Samsung Galaxy S4, which, back in 2013, allowed users to pop off a plastic back with their fingers, take the battery out, and slot another in. Apple has never allowed such a thing with its iPhones.

Replacing a battery on the Galaxy S4 was easy.


Which is to say, if Apple was serious about making this information useful to consumers, it would make devices that were easier to repair when things go wrong. When my battery capacity hits 50 percent, say, it would be nice to buy a battery from a third-party source (they retail for about $25) and slide that sucker in without completing a minor feat of techno-surgery.

We can applaud Apple for informing consumers, but this information will in fact be most valuable to Apple itself, which will profit when we buy new iPhones or the AppleCare+ plans that give us discounted battery replacements. 

Thanks, but no thanks.

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This Gently Breathing Robot Cuddles You to Sleep

It's breathing. The chest rises and falls rhythmically, hypnotically. We guess it's the chest. Nobody's marketed a sleep robot before, and we're not even sure it's a robot. It looks like a pillowy four-pound kidney bean, about the size of a novelty prize at a carnival game. "Spooning the sleep robot during the night, you will be soothed to sleep," the sales literature claims, with "thousands of years of Buddhist breathing techniques."

To bring upon sleep, breathing has to become slow and even, says Natalie Dautovich, a psychologist and sleep specialist at the National Sleep Foundation. You can't fall asleep when you're huffing like a sled dog, but insomniacs fear bedtime, and fear raises breathing rate, and that makes it hard to fall asleep. The claim goes that, as you hold the sleep robot, called Somnox, you'll subconsciously match your breathing to its slow and steady rhythm, which will lure you to sleep.


Work began on the prototype Somnox in 2015 at Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands. "We were robotics engineers, personally exposed to the effects of sleep deprivation," says Julian Jagtenberg, Somnox's co-founder. "We designed a soft robotic prototype to help ourselves and our family members get sleep again," he says. “We fell asleep faster, we slept longer. Once people we didn't know started reaching out to us because they were having a hard time falling asleep, that was the moment we decided this shouldn't be just an academic project."

Somnox debuted on Kickstarter in November 2017, asking for €100,000, or about $123,000. After a month, 509 backers had pledged double that for an estimated July 2018 delivery, which Jagtenberg says the company is still on track to meet.

Catch Your Breath

Breathing has long been the key to relaxing and, eventually, falling asleep. The 4-7-8 Breathing Method, popularized by Dr. Andrew Weil in 2015 and subsequently copy-and-pasted across the internet, suggested one such method to reduce stress and induce sleep. It directs you to breathe in for four seconds through your nose, hold your breath for seven seconds, and breathe out for eight seconds through your mouth. "We've found out people are having a really hard time doing [the 4-7-8 Breathing Method] because you need to be very focused and disciplined in order to get it working," says Jagtenberg, who acknowledges that it's an effective method. "But we humans, if you interact with one another, you start copying behaviors without even knowing it. We thought this relationship was very strong when it comes to breathing. If you feel it [through the Somnox], you will subconsciously adjust your own breathing."


The WIRED Guide to Artificial Intelligence

While few studies have researched breath-mirroring in adults, several have looked at its effects on newborns. A 1995 study by the University of Connecticut suggested that infants who slept with a Breathing Bear—a not-for-sale device that respirated and coaxed sleepy babies to copy its breathing—had slower and more-regular respiration and more restful sleep than the control group. A follow-up study published in 2003 concluded only that Breathing-Bear-babies developed a better mood, presumably from better sleep.

The Somnox hopes to product a similar effect. Looking at it and watching it in action, it's a stretch to call the Somnox "the world's first sleep robot." It just lies there and breathes—a convincing imitation of humanity, but not what you'd call a robot. "It depends on what your concept of a robot is," says Jagtenberg. "In our perception, a robot is a system that can analyze its environment with sensors that think about how to act upon that environment." Somnox is more like a Nest thermostat than a semi-mobile, sentient threat to humanity that falls down stairs.

So it's more like a smart pillow, one that will become smarter with software updates. At launch, it's only got inklings of intelligence: It can play white noise, meditation tracks, heartbeat rhythms, and audio books as you drift off. Bluetooth links it to a Somnox app on your Android or iOS phone, which you can use to speed up or slow down the Somnox's breathing rate and adjust the depth of each breath. After launch, Somnox plans two software updates later this year: an alarm that wakes you gently in the morning by moving and murmuring instead of blaring buzzers, and what Somnox calls a sleeping coach, which will be able to pair with a wearable fitness device and detect when you've had a particularly strenuous or stressful day, then develop a custom breathing rhythm for you that night to compensate.

Kickstarter backers will receive theirs in July. The second batch, taking pre-orders now for $549, will ship in October. So far, Somnox has 1,210 orders.

It's not quite a robot, and it's not yet all that smart, but the Somnox has something more important than limbs or a heart of gold: fake lungs. And would anybody really want to spoon a robot that could throw elbows and mule kicks?

More WIRED Gear

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Parkland suspect Nikolas Cruz showered with fan mail, donations: report

The bloody Valentine’s Day massacre at a Parkland, Fla., high school last month has led some observers to fall in love — with the suspect.

Lovestruck groupies from around the country are showering gunman Nikolas Cruz with fan mail, including sexually provocative photos and donations, according to a report.

One 18-year-old from Texas purportedly professed her love to Cruz in a March 15 letter adorned with smiley faces and hand-drawn hearts, South Florida’s Sun-Sentinel reported.

“When I saw your picture on the television, something attracted me to you,” the letter said. “Your eyes are beautiful and the freckles on your face make you so handsome.”

The missive flatly concludes: “I’m really skinny and have 34C sized breasts.” 

Another Texas woman reportedly sent a bizzare handwritten love note less than a week after Cruz gunned down 17 people Feb. 14 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

Nikolas and Zachary Cruz reportedly discussed their newfound popularity in a jail visit.  (Broward County Sheriff)

“I reserve the right to care about you, Nikolas!” read the unsolicited declaration.


A Chicago woman reportedly sent Cruz numerous suggestive photos, including one in which she slurps a Popsicle while wearing a bikini, and another in which she shows off her backside for the camera.

Cruz, who jail officials say has received nearly $800 in donations to his prison commissary account since the shooting, has also caught the eye of some members of his own sex.

A New Yorker with a bushy moustache sent Cruz a card featuring a cat and a photo of himself sitting in a white 1992 Nissan convertible, according to the Sun-Sentinel.

“I’m really skinny and have 34C sized breasts.”

– Letter sent to Nikolas Cruz by admirer

At least for now, though, the mass murderer’s suitors are pining at the wind. Jail officials, who screen all letters to inmates, said Cruz has not seen the letters, and remains on suicide watch. 

As a matter of policy, authorities seize letters that contain obscene material, privileged communications, or threats to public safety.

“We read a few religious ones to him that extended wishes for his soul and to come to God,” Broward County Public Defender Howard Finkelstein told the Sun-Sentinel, “but we have not and will not read him the fan letters or share the photos of scantily-clad teenage girls.”

Finkelstein added that he’s “never seen this many letters to a defendant” in his 40 years as a public defender.


But dozens of admirers have also flooded social media, where some have claimed that they’ve gotten through to Cruz.

“I want you all to know that Nikolas knows about us and he had the biggest smile on his face when he was told that we all support him,” one Facebook user wrote on a pro-Cruz group.

When Zachary Cruz, Nikolas’ younger brother, visited Nikolas in jail, the two discussed their popularity, according to prosecutors.

Zachary’s attorneys are expected to argue in court Thursday that his $500,000 bail on a trespassing charge is excessive. The 18-year-old was arrested Mar. 19 after authorities found him skateboarding at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

The unseemly interest in Cruz may stem from women with poor parental relationships, or a strong desire to save an apparently lonely and vulnerable figure, mental health experts told the paper.

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About the boys: Tim Winton on how toxic masculinity is shackling men to misogyny

In an excerpt from a speech about his new book The Shepherds Hut, the author says it is men who need to step up and liberate boys from the race, the game, the fight

I dont have any grand theory about masculinity. But I know a bit about boys. Partly because Im at the beach and in the water a lot.

As a surfer you spend a lot of time bobbing about, waiting for something to happen. So eventually, you get talking. Or you listen to others talking. And I spend my work days alone, in a room with people who dont exist, so these maritime conversations make up the bulk of my social life. And most of the people in the water are younger than me, some by 50 years or more.

I like the teasing and the joking that goes on, the shy asymmetrical conversations, the fitful moments of mutual bewilderment and curiosity. A lot of the time Im just watching and listening. With affection. Indulgence. Amusement. Often puzzled, sometimes horrified. Interested, but careful, of course, not to appear too interested. And the wonderful thing about getting older something many women will understand is that after a certain age you become invisible. And for me, after years of being much too visible for my own comfort, this late life waterborne obscurity is a gift.

There are a lot more girls in the water these days, and hallellujah for that; I cant tell you how heartening this is. But I want to focus on the boys for a moment. For what a mystery a boy is. Even to a grown man. Perhaps especially to a grown man. And how easy it is to forget what beautiful creatures they are. Theres so much about them and in them thats lovely. Graceful. Dreamy. Vulnerable. Qualities we either dont notice, or simply blind ourselves to. You see, theres great native tenderness in children. In boys, as much as in girls. But so often I see boys having the tenderness shamed out of them.

Boys and young men are so routinely expected to betray their better natures, to smother their consciences, to renounce the best of themselves and submit to something low and mean. As if theres only one way of being a bloke, one valid interpretation of the part, the role, if you like. Theres a constant pressure to enlist, to pull on the uniform of misogyny and join the Shithead Army that enforces and polices sexism. And it grieves me to say its not just men pressing those kids into service.

These boys in the surf. The things they say to me! The stuff I hear them saying to their mates! Some of it makes you want to hug them. Some of it makes you want to cry. Some of it makes you ashamed to be a male. Especially the stuff they feel entitled or obliged to say about girls and women.

What Ive come to notice is that all these kids are rehearsing and projecting. Trying it on. Rehearsing their masculinity. Projecting their experimental versions of it. And wordlessly looking for cues the whole time. Not just from each other, but from older people around them, especially the men. Which can be heartbreaking to witness, to tell you the truth. Because the feedback they get is so damn unhelpful. If its well-meant its often feeble and half-hearted. Because good men dont always stick their necks out and make an effort.

True, the blokes around me in the water are there, like me, for respite, to escape complexity and responsibility for an hour or two, to save themselves from going mad in their working lives, but their dignified silence in response to misogynistic trash talk allows other messages, other poisonous postures to flourish. Too often, in my experience, the ways of men to boys lack all conviction, they lack a sense of responsibility and gravity. And I think they lack the solidity and coherence of tradition. Sadly, modernity has failed to replace traditional codes with anything explicit, or coherent or benign. Were left with values that are residual, fuzzy, accidental or sniggeringly conspiratorial.

Weve scraped our culture bare of ritual pathways to adulthood. There are lots of reasons for having clear-felled and burnt our own traditions since the 1960s, and some of them are very good reasons. But Im not sure what weve replaced them with. Weve left our young people to fend for themselves. We retain a kind of indulgent, patronising, approval of rites of passage in other cultures, including those of our first peoples, but the poverty of mainstream modern Australian rituals is astounding.

What are we left with? The sly first beer your uncle slips you. The 18th birthday party where the keg is the icon. Maybe the B&S ball, if you live in the bush. First drink, first root, first bog-lap in your mums Corolla. Call me a snob, but that strikes me as pretty thin stuff. This, surely, is cultural impoverishment. And in such a prosperous country. To my mind, thats salt rising to the surface, poisoning the future.

In the absence of explicit, widely-shared and enriching rites of passage, young men in particular are forced to make themselves up as they go along. Which usually means they put themselves together from spare parts, and the stuff closest to hand tends to be cheap and defective. And thats dangerous.

Toxic masculinity is a burden to men. Im not for a moment suggesting men and women suffer equally from misogyny, because thats clearly and fundamentally not true. And nobody needs to hear me mansplaining on the subject of the patriarchy. But I think we forget or simply dont notice the ways in which men, too, are shackled by misogyny. It narrows their lives. Distorts them. And that sort of damage radiates; it travels, just as trauma is embedded and travels and metastasizes in families. Slavery should have taught us that. The Stolen Generations are still teaching us. Misogyny, like racism, is one of the great engines of intergenerational trauma.

A man in manacles doesnt fully understand the threat he poses to others. Even as hes raging against his bonds. Especially as hes raging against his bonds. When youre bred for mastery, when youre trained to endure and fight and suppress empathy, how do you find your way in a world that cannot be mastered? How do you live a life in which all of us must eventually surrender and come to terms? Too many men are blunt instruments. Otherwise known, I guess, as tools. Because of poor training, theyre simply not fit for purpose. Because life is not a race, its not a game, and its not a fight.

Can we wean boys off machismo and misogyny? Will they ever relinquish the race, the game, the fight, and join the dance? I hope so. Because liberation a process of disarmament, reflection and renewal isnt just desirable, its desperately necessary. In our homes, in business, and clearly, and most clearly of all, in our politics.

The poverty of mainstream modern Australian rituals is astounding, writes Winton. Photograph: Andy Andrews/Getty Images

Children are born wild. And thats beautiful, its wondrous, regardless of gender. Even when theyre feral creatures, kids are reservoirs of tenderness and empathy. But some do turn into savages. And sadly most of those are boys. Theyre trained into it. Because of neglect or indulgence. And when we meet them in the street, and have them in our classrooms, and haul them into the courts, we recoil from them in horror and disgust. Our detention centres and jails are heaving with them. These wild colonial boys, theyre a terror to Australia. Real and imagined. But I worry about our revulsion for them, our desire to banish them from consciousness for their noncompliance, their mistakes, or their faithful adherence to the scripts that have been written for them.

Boys need help. And, yes, men need fixing Im mindful of that. Males arrive in our community on the coattails of an almost endless chain of unexamined privilege. I dont deny that for a second. But patriarchy is bondage for boys, too. It disfigures them. Even if theyre the last to notice. Even if they profit from it. And their disfigurement diminishes the ultimate prospects of all of us, wherever we are on the gender spectrum. I think we need to admit this.

But before we even get to that point, we have to acknowledge the awkward, implacable fact of their existence, especially those who most offend our sensibilities. We should resist our instinct or our ideological desire to cross the street to avoid them, our impulse to shut them down and shut them out and finally lock them up. We need to have higher expectations of them. Provide better modelling for them.

But before any of that is possible we need to attend to them. Yes, boys need their unexamined privilege curtailed. Just as they need certain proscribed privileges and behaviours made available to them. But the first step is to notice them. To find them worthy of our interest. As subjects, not objects. How else can we hope to take responsibility for them? And its men who need to step up and finally take their full share of that responsibility.

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6 Classic Movies That Get Ruined By Grade-School Science

Some movies are destined to be classics. One look, and you know their harrowing escape scenes and climactic battles are going to be pop culture legend. And then you look again. And again and again, until you finally realize the writer got something terribly wrong, and it is ruined for you forever. Pardon us for pulling a Neil deGrasse Tyson, but we’re going to do exactly that.


You Could Probably Outrun A T-Rex

With a massive body and incredible bite strength, the Tyrannosaurus Rex reigned as the apex predator of all apex predators. And she’s an inescapable threat in the movies, tenacious enough to smash through walls and fast enough to run down any meaty human. If T-Rex wants you dead, you’re dead. In the first Jurassic Park, one of them chases down a jeep going 50 mph!

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

Buzzkill scientists have analyzed T-Rex remains, and concluded that the A#1, Duke of New York, King of Dinosaurs was, well … rather plodding, by predator standards. There is a very good chance you could survive an encounter with one simply by running away from it at your normal human speed. Every healthy adult in the Jurassic Park franchise had decent odds of surviving if they left on foot with any kind of urgency. Paleontologists’ best estimates place a T-Rex’s top speed around 16 mph, roughly the same as the sustained top speed of the average human, and considerably slower than the average CrossFitter.

Universal PicturesGoing with the name “CrossFit” instead of “T-Rex Survival Training” was a real missed opportunity.

We aren’t as vulnerable as movies make us out to be. Humans evolved to run over distances, and can even theoretically beat a horse in a marathon. Large animals take longer to build up speed, and are gassed in no time. And large animals aren’t built like a cheetah or greyhound, instantly running down prey. A T-Rex would be something closer to a Saint Bernard trying to catch a tennis ball rolling down a hill and giving up on it after ten yards. A cranky ol’ T-Rex huffing and puffing after Jeff Goldblum as he casually hustles away would be a very different movie, but … not necessarily bad?

You can try this “leaving in a hurry” defense against a lot of big animals still alive today. The size-to-endurance ratio is a consistent principle of biology in elephants, hippos, and rhinos. Large size is a disadvantage for predators. Smaller, tastier prey like us have a huge metabolic advantage. T-Rex’s prey was believed to consist of other large, bumbling dinosaurs, like hadrosaurs or triceratops, or maybe even each other. The point is, a T-Rex chasing after a single human would be like you chasing a speeding taxi because you left a French fry inside it.


Andy Dufresne Should Have Died In The Sewage Pipe

At the climax of The Shawshank Redemption, after 20 years of digging and planning, only one more thing stands between our hero, Andy Dufresne, and justice: a long pipe filled with five inches of fetid sewage. All he has to do is low-crawl through 500 yards of wretch-inducing filth to win his freedom. Here’s one of the most iconic scenes from the internet’s favorite movie of all time.

Even schlepping through shit can be made majestic by a Morgan Freeman voiceover.

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

No human could survive that five-football-field-long crawl through a poorly ventilated sewage pipe. Noxious vapors like ammonia, hydrogen sulfide, and methane gases would displace all of the oxygen. All that ammonia would sting his eyes to the point of blindness, and all that methane would kill him in minutes, probably before he even knew it was happening.

Methane inhalation fatalities occur all the time, thanks to faulty pipes in basements, landfills, and agricultural cesspits. We aren’t supposed to breathe poison, is the point. When oxygen levels dip to 12 percent or lower, you black out and die before you even have time to drown in diarrhea. Though the movie still works if you imagine the beach was a hallucination as Andy’s brain was choked by poop fumes.

Columbia Pictures“Wow, look at these blue waters. Let me dunk my head!”

Similar jailbreak attempts have been attempted using steam pipes, drainage pipes, and tunnels connected to sewers, but no one has ever made it through 1,500 feet of a 18-inch pipe full of raw sewage. Such attempts have happened, and they all ended about as badly you’d think. A 2003 jailbreak in Brazil is the most gruesome example — at least six, maybe 13, prisoners asphyxiated in their daring attempt. The fumes were so dangerous that their bodies had to be retrieved with a backhoe. The point is, if you’re in prison, enjoy it, because it beats sucking lethal shit gas in a pipe.


The Kids In Honey, I Shrunk The Kids Would Have Suffocated To Death Within A Few Agonizing Minutes

Honey, I Shrunk The Kids had everything you could want from a kid-shrinking adventure film. They made friends with an ant, flew on a bee, and gorged themselves on a giant cookie. Lawnmowers and sprinklers became life-ending apocalypses, and after 90 minutes of watching children taken to the very brink of death, they all came together as a family.

It was really normal for ’80s movies to put children in unspeakable danger just to see what would happen.

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

The kids are shrunk down 10,000 times their normal size, and that means their cells are also reduced 10,000 times. The issue is that the oxygen, water, and countless other elements they need to live remain the same size. And having a water molecule 10,000 times larger relative to your blood vessels is no small thing. A slight fluctuation in the chemistry of a cell or the surrounding molecules can have catastrophic consequences, like cells bursting — or in this case, drying up.

Smaller molecules, like water, slip into and out of semipermeable cells in order to create a balance. This is called osmosis if you’re a nerd, and hydro-fucking if you like to party. But if the molecules were suddenly 10,000 times bigger, the discrepancy would be fatal. An absence of water in a red blood cell causes it to shrivel and malfunction. Any number of substances that need to be expelled might be too large to exit cells, and only the smallest molecules or ions would have access into them. It’s only a question of which compromised bodily process would kill them first. The second Rick Moranis miniaturized his kids, they were doomed to a grim fate. Think less Disney, and more David Cronenberg nightmare.


The Blood Farming Operation In Fury Road Would Poison The War Boys, Not Save Them

In Mad Max: Fury Road, Max happens to be a universal blood donor, which makes him a mobile blood bank for any road warrior lunatics who might be missing some. That’s why the irradiated War Boys use him for quick transfusions so they can stay alive long enough to die a death worthy of Valhalla.

This information now qualifies you for your post-apocalyptic medical degree.

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

“Universal donor” doesn’t mean you can exchange blood at will, like swapping out a half-chewed piece of gum. Blood has two primary components: red blood cells and plasma. The universal donor type for plasma (the liquid part that acts like the broth for the red blood cells, facilitating easy flow) is actually AB, and you need special equipment to separate plasma from red blood cells before you can safely inject it into a needy patient. Imagine taking the filling out of a Twinkie and replacing it with the ingredients for the filling of a Twinkie. You mash in corn syrup, industrial lubricant, white house paint, and 84 types of preservatives. It’s like that, but far more complicated and less delicious.

Warner Bros. PicturesOr equally so, depending on your Tom Hardy feelings.

An emergency transfusion might save Furiosa’s life temporally, but unless she then immediately gets a transfusion from the right donor, she is in for a world of pain. We’re talking “filled with angry bees” levels of agony. Doctors call this acute hemolytic reaction. Most of the War Boys would die from clotting complications or organ failure long before they had the chance to impress King Immortan Joe. Their glorious deaths would be more of a painful, wheezing, bed-ridden affair. A botched transfusion recipient experiences breathing problems, heart problems, excruciating muscle pains, nausea, hypertension, severe bleeding, and a series of symptoms the medical community describes as a “feeling of impending doom.”

While you can overlook Academy Award voters and viewers for missing this, it’s strange that writer/director and former physician George Miller never noticed.


The Great White From Jaws Would Have Puked Up All Its Victims

Nothing sends down a chill down a surfer’s spine like a shark fin jutting out of the water. Great whites are the terrors of the seas, able to smell a drop of blood from a mile away and packing 20,000 more teeth than they need to shred you into human poke.

The Jaws franchise did for sharks what Halloween did for the William Shatner mask industry — a dead-eyed beast was turned into public enemy number one overnight. To this day, most people think of themselves as a shark’s favorite food.

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

We’re not really in a shark’s food chain. Only younger sharks feed near the coastline, and juvenile great whites risk breaking their face on your durable human femur. Their jaws are surprisingly flimsy, secured to their heads only by ligaments and cartilage. We are the human peanut brittle to their shark dentures.

Mature sharks don’t eat humans — we’re “too bony,” and take days to digest. Sharks eat fat to survive, and filling up on a skeleton-rich diet like people could kill them. They need a massive intake of calories, and that’s only obtainable in animals rich in hundreds of pounds of fat, not scrawny ’70s teenagers. Essentially, if you’re fat enough that a shark wants to eat you, you’re only in the water because something terrible has happened already.

A stomachful of humans might even result in brain damage, as a great white needs that blubber to warm its body in order to maintain homeostasis and keep its brain functioning. Statistically, people tend to survive attacks because sharks (regardless of their size) suck at eating us. Rather than devouring prey whole, marine biologists say they engage in complicated eating practices, and the shark that kills an animal isn’t necessarily the one who eats it. Sharks are also quite picky, and known to puke at will. If a shark did eat a person, license plate, or errant oxygen tank, it would not be lurking around looking for co-eds to eat; it would be vomiting its guts out and leaving a zero-star review on Land’s yelp page.


Batman’s “Nonlethal” Arsenal of Tools Is Pretty Lethal

Batman carries any number of devices ready to incapacitate, electrocute, or tie up his enemies. And aside from the time he blew up a man dick-first with a bundle of dynamite, he uses all these devices to take criminals down without murdering them. For instance, here’s a six-and-a-half-minute video of him fucking people up with grappling hooks alone.

Here’s Why It’s Bullshit:

People die, and not infrequently, from chokeholds and blows to the head, and that’s most of Batman’s day. When joy-killing scientists calculated the amount of force that Batman’s grappling hooks would apply to the bodies of criminals, they concluded that most of them would likely end up dead. If you’re looking for realism, the 1966 Adam West series is more accurate than the Chris Nolan movies ever were.

Warner Bros. VideoYup, checks out.

Batarangs are no better. Boomerangs were designed as deadly weapons by Aboriginal hunters, and aren’t much different than throwing a wrench at someone’s head. You do that at ten different heads, and at least one of them isn’t getting up. Basically, every graveyard in Gotham has an ever-growing “Batman” section.

Doesn’t mean Batarangs aren’t still really cool to have sitting around on your desk.

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For more nonsense Hollywood science, check out 6 Famous Movie Scenes With Horrific Scientific Implications and 6 Futuristic Movie Scenarios Already Disproven By Science.

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5 Common Household Products (That Have Crazy Dark Secrets)

We don’t mean to be alarmist, but everything and everybody is trying to kill you. If nuclear winter and climate change don’t get you, auto-erotic asphyxiation certainly will. Really, the only safe thing to do is barricade yourself in a shelter and commit to a life of hermitage and normal, boring wanks. But even embracing life as a bunker weirdo won’t save you. That’s right, your impending death is coming from inside the house.


Scented Products Leave Behind Particles That Turn Into Formaldehyde

After a long day, what’s better than lighting a few scented candles, sinking into a hot bath, and surrendering yourself to the sweet smell of death? That’s essentially what you’re doing if you use scented candles, air fresheners, or any number of products that exude fragrant chemicals into the air. These chemicals, once released, react with the ozone to produce formaldehyde — you know, the stuff they use to pickle corpses. Turns out it’s not great to breathe in, causing anything from minor irritation to cancer.

How can any of this be legal? Well, the thing is, the products don’t contain the harmful chemicals themselves, and under the correct circumstances, it’s not a problem. In ye olden days, when people had to endure the horrors of a slight draft now and then, household air circulation was good enough that the formaldehyde particles went right out the window, along with any money you spent on heat. Now those particles are trapped by our energy efficient windows, slowly entombing us with the smell of cinnamon buns. There is hope, though. Certain houseplants can counteract these effects by absorbing the chemicals, so that’s one way to keep your home smelling like an old lady’s purse without risking a slow death.

Madaise/flickrThough one of those is the spider plant. The last thing you need is some toxic chemical reaction mutating that thing.


CFL Bulbs Emit UV Radiation And Could Cause Cancer

Let’s be honest: If you’re reading this site, you’re probably the indoor type. You’re more likely to get some kind of nerd cancer from snuggling up to a reading lamp or something than from frolicking in the sun all day. No really, you actually can. In a 2012 study, CFL light bulbs were found to emit enough UV radiation to damage human skin.

The cause is tiny little cracks in the bulbs’ phosphor coating, which is a byproduct of the manufacturing process. We’re not talking a rare defect; every single bulb tested featured these cracks, and thus the death rays. To protect yourself, the researchers suggest staying at least one or two feet away from the bulbs and placing a glass shield over them. But it may already be too late. How many sleepless nights have you spent reading A Song Of Ice And Fire books under a secret cancer machine already? Better go see your nerdologist and get your nerd skin checked.

Really, do get that checked, though. Skin cancer is serious.


Antibacterial Products Could Harm Fetuses

We tend to be a bit overprotective of our newest humans. A bottle of Purell practically pops out right along the placenta and is passed around to all prospective cuddlers. (The hand sanitizer, not the placenta.) But it turns out that such products are even worse for you than previously known, and we already knew they’ve created super germs.

Dr_Microbe/iStockEverything comes at a price, and apparently the price for clean hands is antibiotic-resistant staph.

Two common chemicals found in antibacterial products, triclosan and triclocarban, have been detected in the urine of pregnant people, who tend to have a lot of the stuff. It was also found in the umbilical cord blood of their fetuses, meaning it was successfully being transferred from parent to baby. Whatever benefits these products might have, there’s a reason we’re discouraged from shoving them up our various orifices. These chemicals can lead to cancer, reproductive problems, and developmental abnormalities. Welcome to the world, kid — you just got this body, and it’s already jacked up.


Cosmetics Leave A Lasting Chemical Coating That Alters The Bacteria Living On Your Skin

Choosing the rainbow glitter pomegranate body wash doesn’t seem like it should be that big of a commitment, but that stuff sticks around a lot longer than you think. Researchers recently recruited a few surprisingly open-minded volunteers, then tracked the movement of every molecule on every surface of their bodies. They couldn’t identify most of the molecules, which seems troubling, but most of the ones they could identify were from cosmetic products. Keep in mind, these subjects were instructed not to shower or use any kind of soaps or cosmetics for three days beforehand.

Theodore Alexandrov/PNASGood look for Comic-Con, not so great as a chemical contamination map.

This means that everything you slather and spray on yourself sticks around for at least three days, even after you “wash it off.” That’s bad, because there appears to be a relationship between different cosmetic chemicals and different kinds of bacteria. For example, on one subject’s body, an area containing a chemical frequently used in sunscreen also displayed significantly elevated bacteria growth. If you needed another reason to turn down the guy marinated in Axe body spray, there you go. It’s practically a sexually transmitted disease.


Tons Of Foods Contain A Colorant That Causes Cancer In Rats

Titanium dioxide is the stuff many companies use to turn products like toothpaste and candy white. The problem is that it’s also easily absorbed by the intestines of mammals, and a recent study found that rats whose water was laced with titanium dioxide showed a 40 percent growth of precancerous cells in their intestines and colons, as well as weakened immune systems. A bigger problem: The report specifically notes that these rats ingested amounts similar to what humans are exposed to through a totally normal diet.

Environ Sci TechnolWhich is to say damn near everything you eat.

The researchers are careful to note that these results can’t necessarily be extrapolated to humans, who are famously not rats. This is just the first step toward assessing how it affects us. In the meantime, to be safe, maybe stop doing literally anything. Because if you look hard enough, way down at the very molecular level, you’ll observe that everything in this universe hates you and wants you to die.

If you’d still like your house to not smell like old pizza boxes and wet dog while not being all unhealthy, you can try an essential oils diffuser.

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EPA Chiefs $50-a-Night Rental Raises White House Angst

  • Pruitt apartment questions follow first-class flight reports
  • Washington lease is compared to an Airbnb-style arrangement

Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt leased a Washington apartment owned by a lobbyist friend last year under terms that allowed him to pay $50 a night for a single bedroom — but only on the nights when he actually slept there.

White House officials are growing dismayed about the questions surrounding Pruitt’s living arrangement, including his initial inability to produce any documentation about the lease or his actual payments, according to three officials. The landlord provided EPA officials with a copy of the lease and proof of the payments Pruitt made.

In all, Pruitt paid $6,100 to use the room for roughly six months, according to copies of rental checks reviewed by Bloomberg News. Those checks show varying amounts paid on sporadic dates — not a traditional monthly "rent payment" of the same amount each month.

That was because of the unusual rent schedule — not a single monthly amount, but a daily amount charged only for days used for a single bedroom in the two-bedroom unit just blocks from the Capitol. The building is at least partially owned by a health care lobbyist, Vicki Hart, via a limited liability corporation. Her husband J. Steven Hart, is also a lobbyist, whose firm represents clients in industries regulated by the EPA.

One person familiar with the lease compared it to an Airbnb-style arrangement, but Pruitt wasn’t a transient and instead made the apartment his home on nights he was in Washington. The lease — also reviewed by Bloomberg — says that he was charged $50 a night "based on days of actual occupancy."

Six Canceled Checks

Bloomberg reviewed six canceled checks paid by Pruitt totaling $6,100 from March 18 through Sept 1, 2017. He paid $450 on March 18, $900 on April 26, $850 on May 15, $700 on June 4, $1,500 on July 22 and $1,700 on Sept 1.

A sampling of current listings of apartments for rent near Pruitt’s temporary pad showed studio and one-bedroom offerings available for $1,350 to $1,975 a month. Some of the current Airbnb listings for rentals of single bedrooms inside apartments and homes on Capitol Hill ranged from $45 to $68 per night.

Justina Fugh, who has been ethics counsel at the EPA for a dozen years, said the arrangement wasn’t an ethics issue because Pruitt paid rent. An aide said the agency had not reviewed the arrangement in advance.

Pruitt’s Payments

The payments covered Pruitt’s room in the two-bedroom unit, but did not afford him liberal use of common areas, where the owners had dinner parties and other functions, according to a person familiar with the situation. According to the lease agreement, Pruitt’s bedroom could not be locked.

ABC reported Friday that Pruitt’s college-age daughter used another room in the condo while serving as a White House intern. An email to agency representatives seeking comment on the report were not immediately returned.

After ABC News reported the living arrangement on Thursday, EPA aides had to seek documentation from the building’s owners to prove he had paid rent, raising concerns at the White House, said two of the people, who asked not to be named discussing a sensitive matter involving a Cabinet secretary. Pruitt was in Wyoming on Thursday.

Related: Bumped? EPA Chief Signals He Will Be Flying Coach After Backlash

The disclosure follows revelations about Pruitt’s reliance on first-class flights to travel around the globe and a series of pricey trips, including a visit by Pruitt and agency staff to Italy that cost $120,249. EPA officials have defended Pruitt’s use of first-class flights on security grounds, but after a series of reports, he shifted to coach.

J. Steven Hart is the chairman of Williams & Jensen, a firm with a stable of energy industry clients including Oklahoma Gas & Electric Co., which paid the firm $400,000 in 2017, according to data compiled from the Environmental Integrity Project from disclosure forms.

Pruitt, the former attorney general of Oklahoma, has been an enthusiastic crusader against Obama-era regulations meant to combat climate change and limit air pollution. When Pruitt was in Oklahoma, he sued the EPA more than a dozen times.  

Hart’s individual lobbying clients include liquefied natural gas exporter Cheniere Energy Inc.
Pruitt traveled to Morocco to tout U.S. liquefied natural gas last December, though the Department of Energy — not the EPA — plays the major federal role overseeing LNG exports. It is not clear Hart had direct contact with the EPA on behalf of any of his lobbying clients in 2017, according to a Bloomberg News review of disclosures.

Other individual clients of his are the American Automotive Policy Council and Smithfield Foods Inc.

Hart, in a statement to the Associated Press, described Pruitt as a friend from Oklahoma with whom he had scant contact.

“Pruitt signed a market based, short-term lease for a condo owned partially by my wife,” Hart said in a statement. “Pruitt paid all rent owed as agreed to in the lease. My wife does not, and has not ever lobbied the EPA on any matters."

Critics said the unorthodox rental arrangement allowing Pruitt exclusive, reserved use of the room raised questions and could violate a ban on federal government employees accepting gifts valued at more than $20.

“At the very least, it doesn’t look good for the administrator of EPA to have rented an apartment from the wife of an energy industry lobbyist who represents companies regulated by EPA," said Eric Schaeffer, director of the Environmental Integrity Project.

The government watchdog group Public Citizen asked EPA’s inspector general to investigate.

"This appears to be a gift from a lobbyist to the EPA administrator," Craig Holman, government affairs lobbyist for Public Citizen, said in a news release. "Scott Pruitt seems to be renting at well below market value – from a family member of a lobbyist who has business before the EPA."

Messages left with the Inspector General’s office weren’t immediately returned on Friday.

Fugh, the EPA’s ethics counsel, said no gift was involved. It was a routine business arrangement between Pruitt and an individual, not a lobbying firm, she added.

"He paid a fair price for what amounts to just a room,” Fugh said. “So I don’t even think that the fact that the house is owned by a person whose job is to be a lobbyist causes us concern.”

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Demi Lovato Removes All Her Makeup In Video, And The Result Speaks For Itself

For those not in the know, Demi Lovato is a singer, songwriter and actress, known being a prominent champion of positive body image, who also speaks openly and honestly about her own struggles with an eating disorder and mental health.

Adding to her journey of self-acceptance and refreshingly human and positive messages to her fans, Demi has made a video called “Demi Lovato, Unfiltered: A Pop Star Removes Her Makeup,” for Vogue as part of their American Women: Transformers series. Turning the traditional makeover on its head, Demi instead gets a makeunder, as she slowly strips away her makeup to reveal the beauty underneath.

“I think society tells us we need makeovers, but why can’t we embrace the beauty that we naturally have?” She told Vogue. However, that’s not to say that she doesn’t enjoy the glamor which comes as part of her job. “I love makeup. I love doing my hair; I have extensions, but there’s a time and a place for everything, and natural beauty needs to be celebrated.”

You could argue that for a young, beautiful millionaire, going natch and looking great with it comes quite a bit easier than it does for the average woman. Some commenters certainly didn’t buy it. For others however, she remains one of the few celebrities that people can really relate to as they follow her ups and downs on social media, where she strips bare her insecurities and urges her fans to embrace themselves as they are.

Scroll down to see Demi go from glam diva to girl-next-door, and completely own her bare beauty in the video below. Don’t forget to let us know what you think in the comments!

Singer, songwriter and actress Demi Lovato just filmed a short clip for Vogue

But this time instead of the full makeup that she usually comes with…

And a team of makeup artists helping her out…

To achieve results like this

…she did it all in reverse

After starting with full makeup, she sat in front of the camera and started to remove it

Here’s the clip itself

Some didn’t buy it though

But others loved it

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