Chelsea Clinton understandably can’t take Trump’s crude ‘joke’

What a pair.
Image: Chris Kleponis-Pool/Getty Images

It would be that in an exposé of Vice President Mike Pence, it’s a reported comment from President Donald Trump about his veep’s views that’s putting the president right back in the hot seat.

A new New Yorker story, “The Danger of President Pence,” dug out incredible details about Pence’s history, his rise to the vice presidency, and his relationship to Trump. Toward the end of the lengthy piece, author Jane Mayer reported on what Trump thinks about his political partner. 

“Trump thinks Pence is great,” Bannon told me. But, according to a longtime associate, Trump also likes to “let Pence know who’s boss.” A staff member from Trump’s campaign recalls him mocking Pence’s religiosity. He said that, when people met with Trump after stopping by Pence’s office, Trump would ask them, “Did Mike make you pray?” Two sources also recalled Trump needling Pence about his views on abortion and homosexuality. During a meeting with a legal scholar, Trump belittled Pence’s determination to overturn Roe v. Wade. The legal scholar had said that, if the Supreme Court did so, many states would likely legalize abortion on their own. “You see?” Trump asked Pence. “You’ve wasted all this time and energy on it, and it’s not going to end abortion anyway.” When the conversation turned to gay rights, Trump motioned toward Pence and joked, “Don’t ask that guy—he wants to hang them all!”

The last part about gay rights was picked up as especially cruel, and not at all funny. Chelsea Clinton, who has called out Trump before (and before that), was quick to reprimand the president about having a little basic decency.

Others chimed in to share how upsetting it is to hear the president speak about the gay community in such a violent and flippant manner.

As this is one of countless inappropriate, cruel, and inhuman comments Trump has uttered, the fear is that the revelation isn’t likely to change anything — or even get noticed much beyond today’s tweets. 

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/10/16/pence-new-yorker-trump-gay-chelsea-clinton/

A timeline of the rogue Twitter employee’s last day at work before deleting Trump’s account

Image: mashable composite. max knoblauch; shutterstock

This post is a part of Mashable Humor. It is not real. We drew the bird, though, and think it’s pretty good.

A Twitter customer support employee is responsible for temporarily deactivating the account of President Trump for 11 minutes on Thursday night, just before 7:00 p.m. EST. According to a statement from the company, it was said employee’s last day, and they acted without the approval of anyone else at Twitter.

What follows is a comprehensive timeline of the “rogue” employee’s infamous last day at Twitter HQ.

9:05 a.m.: Employee arrives at office on their last day. Employee sits at desk.

9:15 a.m.: Employee’s manager approaches, asks employee if they received email. “I haven’t checked my email,” employee replies. “Oh, okay. Well, when you get a chance,” manager answers. The employee will not look at the email.

9:20 a.m.: Employee tells coworker Devin that his coffee mug is on their desk, technically, and has been every day for several months.

9:25 a.m.: Employee leaves for “early lunch.”

1:15 p.m.: Employee returns from lunch.

1:19 p.m.: Employee sends email recommending lunch spot’s Moscow Mules to full New York office.

1:25 p.m.: Employee forwards Moscow Mule email to global staff list with message, “In case any of you are ever in town.”

1:30 p.m.: Using Sharpie, employee writes, “This bread taste like DOGGGG SHIT” on a loaf of bread in the employee kitchen.

1:35 p.m.: Employee reminds coworker Devin about the coffee mug’s location, asking him, “Did you know?”

1:40 p.m.: Employee leaves for “late lunch.”

4:10 p.m.: Employee returns from late lunch.

4:45 p.m.: During team meeting, employee is asked to say a few words. Employee uses full time to again recommend the Moscow Mules. The employee has worked at Twitter for 4 years.

5:00 p.m.: Employee enters back room and adjusts office thermostat to 68 degrees.

5:03 p.m.: Employee arrives at HR for exit interview.

5:10 p.m.: Employee responds to HR’s question of, “How do you feel about your time here?” with simply, “Bad.”

5:12 p.m.: Employee responds to HR’s question of, “Is there anything you feel you have not been able to do in your time here?” with, “Delete the president’s Twitter.” Employee tells HR they think they will be deleting President Trump’s account later in the day. The HR representative chuckles.

5:15 p.m.: Employee returns to desk.

5:30 p.m.: Employee watches the first 25 minutes of Netflix’s What the Health at desk without headphones.

5:55 p.m.: Employee says, “Wow.”

5:56 p.m.: Employee messages manager that the office chairs are very uncomfortable. Manager replies with, “Well, I don’t furnish the office lol.” Employee replies, “I do not like you and I have not liked you for some time now.” Manager does not reply.

6:00 p.m.: Employee stands on desk and announces that they will be drinking Moscow Mules at the lunch spot nearby if anyone wants to go.

6:48 p.m.: Employee returns to office to retrieve coat.

6:49 p.m.: Employee throws Devin’s mug in the garbage.

6:50 p.m.: Employee deactivates the president’s Twitter account.

6:55 p.m.: Employee returns to lunch spot for Moscow Mules.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/11/04/rogue-twitter-employee-deletes-trump-timeline-satire/

Jeff Flake 2

Jeff Flake is going out with a bang, and Donald Trump is notgoing to like it. 

The Republican senator from Arizona announced on Tuesday that he’s not running for re-election in 2018. And then he denounced President Donald Trump and everything Trump represents on the Senate floor. 

“We must never regard as ‘normal’ the regular and casual undermining of our democratic norms and ideals,” Flake said, according to his prepared speech.

He continued, “Reckless, outrageous, and undignified behavior has become excused and countenanced as ‘telling it like it is,’ when it is actually just reckless, outrageous, and undignified.”

“And when such behavior emanates from the top of our government, it is something else: It is dangerous to a democracy.”

He also laid into Republican politicians, who have enabled Trump by biting their tongues when he goes off the rails. 

“When we remain silent and fail to act when we know that that silence and inaction is the wrong thing to do — because of political considerations, because we might make enemies, because we might alienate the base, because we might provoke a primary challenge, because ad infinitum, ad nauseum — when we succumb to those considerations in spite of what should be greater considerations and imperatives in defense of the institutions of our liberty, then we dishonor our principles and forsake our obligations.”

“Despotism loves a vacuum”

Finally, he warned that abandoning our values would benefit America’s enemies. 

“Despotism loves a vacuum.  And our allies are now looking elsewhere for leadership. Why are they doing this? None of this is normal. And what do we as United States Senators have to say about it?”

Reaction was split between those who found Flake brave for standing up to Trump and his own party …

… to those who noted that Flake still supported much of Trump’s agenda, and faced a tough primary and general election in 2018, which means it’s no guarantee he’d win anyway. 

Regardless, Trump and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell now have one more Republican enemy in Congress. Sen. Bob Corker announced last month that he also wasn’t running for re-election in 2018, and hasn’t been shy about his disdain for the president. 

And John McCain — who torpedoed Trump’s health care plan — has also been speaking out against the president. On Tuesday, McCain tweeted his support for his fellow Arizona senator. 

Donald Trump spent Tuesday morning slamming Corker with childish insults. It’s a pretty good bet he’s about to rage-tweet about Flake very soon. 

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/10/24/jeff-flake-anti-trump-speech/

Trump to Puerto Rico: Show us the money

Image: Getty Images

With Puerto Rico in a worsening humanitarian crisis, President Donald Trump continues to hold the U.S. territory’s debt over its head.

It is difficult to fathom just how irresponsible and entirely beside the point Puerto Rico’s debt is when it comes to its current situation. Puerto Ricans are Americans, just like the people in parts of Texas and Florida that the government is helping after two other major hurricanes this season. 

Yet on Friday, Trump doubled down on holding disaster aid hostage to the U.S. territory’s debts, which total about $70 billion..

“Ultimately, the government of Puerto Rico will have to work with us to determine how this massive rebuilding effort, [which] will end up being the biggest ever, will be funded and organized, and what we will do with the tremendous amount of existing debt already on the island,” Trump said in a speech on Friday.

The fact that Puerto Rico is an island is, in the eyes of Trump, Puerto Rico’s fault.

Trump also observed the Puerto Rico is an island and that this geography therefore makes recovery difficult. Trump’s comments have consistently painted Puerto Rico as a foreign place with foreign people, rather than a home to more Americans than about 20 fully-fledged states. 

The president also seemed to be comfortable putting the shipping industry’s interests first. He was slow to suspend the Jones Act, which mandates that anything shipped to Puerto Rico be on U.S. owned and operated vessels. This makes shipping between the U.S. and Puerto Rico very expensive, which raises the costs of goods for island residents. 

Trump wasn’t exactly secretive about this, saying on Wednesday: “We have a lot of shippers and a lot of people that work in the shipping industry that don’t want the Jones Act lifted.”

As Americans have begun to fully realize the depth of the devastation in Puerto Rico, the Trump administration has been coming under greater pressure to act. Comparisons have already been made to George W. Bush’s slow response to Hurricane Katrina. 

Trump, naturally, hasn’t taken that well. His response so far has bounced between criticizing Puerto Rico and blatantly lying about how his response has been perceived in Puerto Rico. 

Puerto Rico’s governor has tried to set the record straight on that, but Trump supporters are likely only to have heard the president’s claims. The websites of Drudge Report, Breitbart, Infowars, and Fox News barely had a mention of Puerto Rico as of Friday midday.

Trump is correct in stating that Puerto Rico has a problem with its debt. It’s a problem that has been around for years and has only gotten worse. It’s electric utility company is in a particularly tough spot, having owed $9 billion before the storm hit. 

The notion, however, that the island’s debt has anything to do with what the government should be doing to help Puerto Ricans in need is the kind of double standard that has added fuel to a growing fire — that Trump is a racist whose true colors are starting to show. 

His handling of the recent NFL controversy has particularly stood out, most notably when he said that owners were afraid of their players.

This is classic Trump. Admitting that he and his administration have bungled the response to the Puerto Rico crises would be to show weakness. Instead, Trump is embracing his go to move of whataboutism. What about Puerto Rico’s debt? What about it’s infrastructure? What about the fact that it’s an island? What about the fact that it’s name isn’t even in English? 

Meanwhile, aid to Puerto Rico is still stuck on docks, unable to get to the people who sorely need it. There’s no “big water” stopping it. Just a pitiful lack of effective disaster relief coordination. 

That’s not the main issue for Trump, though. He wants Puerto Rico to show him the money. 

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/09/29/donald-trump-puerto-rico-show-me-the-money/

91-year-old former congressman sets the Twitter bar in the Trump era

John Dingell has been owning Twitter for years.
Image: ambar del moral/mashable

91-year-old former congressman John Dingell has been quick, witty, and on fire with his 140 characters for years.

Despite his age, he knows how to use the tweet machine the way it was intended: biting commentary, playful retweets, and insightful and smart reactions. Time and again he’s shown he’s mastered Twitter.

After tweeter-in-chief Donald Trump was elected, Dingell’s Twitter game has become even more relevant and fiery.

After the violence in Charlottesville and Trump’s bumbling mess of a response to the anti-Semitism and white supremacy on display, Dingell took to Twitter in the days following. One particular tweet resonated, with thousands praising the longtime Michigan lawmaker for posting what the president struggled to say. 

Just look at those likes.

Once known as an imposing Democrat with strong opinions and determined to pass universal health care, he’s refocused his energy toward the Twittersphere, where he still speaks his mind loud and clear even if it’s not on Capitol Hill.

Sure, Dingell also spends a lot of his time tweeting about Michigan sports. But after retiring after nearly 60 years in office at the age of 87 (he was the longest-serving member of Congress in history), he’s kept a running commentary on the ridiculousness of the government and society in general.

In the Trump era, where the president uses a micro-blogging platform to announce policy, devise political strategy, and sling insults, Dingell’s reactions and responses are a go-to source of humor, insight, and reflection.

Dingell’s Trump tweets also have bite. Since inauguration day (and throughout the election, too, if you want to look back and laugh-cry) we’ve been treated to these gems that often encapsulate what a lot of us are thinking.

On resignation

On Trump’s staffing problems

On the health care fight

On Russia and lying

On Trump’s Middle East trip

On cake 

When Trump gave an interview about a missile strike on Syria he talked mostly about “the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen.” It was — weird. Dingell noticed.

On the wall

Dingell joined Twitter in 2010. In the seven-plus years since, he’s tweeted almost 5,000 times. Trump, 71, joined about a year earlier, but has racked up nearly 40,000 tweets — eight times the number of tweets, which seems like a good way to measure Trump’s Twitter obsession.

Dingell’s targets go beyond Trump. 

Years before the former reality TV show host joined the political circus, Dingell was posting sharp commentary on, well, everything. The Atlantic called his Twitter feed “the best” back in 2014. Some of Dingell’s earlier Twitter home runs include a post about Sharknado, excellent usage of the hashtag and term “YOLO,” and taking an internet meme to disparage himself. 

In recent days he’s brought down Sen. Ted Cruz with his wit. He’s plugged in to internet culture, whether it’s April the pregnant giraffe or the Kardashians.

With Dingell’s decades of insider knowledge, his posts go beyond your average snarky Trump commentary that poke at the thin-skinned president. Luckily, Dingell hasn’t gotten blocked, and maybe he won’t if he keeps up with his smartly crafted ripostes.

His tweets spark discussion, replies, and thousands of retweets and likes.

If this retired 90-something Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient can keep up with Trump and everything else on Twitter, there’s no excuse for the rest of us. Except for the fact that John Dingell has already won Twitter. Maybe the rest of us should just go home.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/09/16/john-dingell-twitter-trump/

Donald Trump’s eyeroll of a 2020 campaign ad is as bad as you think it is

Donald Trump is barely seven months into his scandal-ridden first term as president and he’s already dropped a ludicrous ad that both makes the free press out to be an enemy of the American people and sets the stage for a 2020 reelection campaign.

Because what we really need is another reason to drink on Monday.

And this ad … hoo boy.

It’s just 30 seconds long but, much like the Trump administration, it feels like it exists in a plane beyond our normal concept of time, where everything slows down and each moment feels like a fever dream that stretches into eternity.

In other words, Donald Trump packed a whoooole lot of intense ideas in a short, half a minute ad. So let’s break it down, everlasting second by everlasting second.

0:00 – Okay, before we even hit play, please note that the title of the ad is called “Let President Trump Do His Job.” I don’t know who has the power to keep Trump from doing his job, though. No one’s keeping him off the golf course so how can anyone keep him from being president?

0:01 – Democrats are criticized for being obstructionists with a quick shot of “Cryin'” Chuck Schumer and Elizabeth Warren. Like Mitch McConnell didn’t just spend a year blocking President Obama’s Supreme Court nomination.

It’s also entertaining that a president so used to criticizing the opposition is now mad that the opposition is also, well, opposing him.

0:02 – “The media, attacking our president,” screams the ad. Indeed, how dare the free press hold the president accountable? Among those singled out at this point are Anderson Cooper, Joe Scarborough, Chris Hayes, George Stephanopoulos, Chuck Todd, John King, Erin Burnett, Rachel Maddow, and Don Lemon. That’s a lot of media!

But you know who the ad doesn’t display on screen? Anyone from print or digital journalism. There are no New York Times or Washington Post headlines critical of Trump called out in the ad. These are the publications that are actually making the big scoops that are doing the main damage to the the administration.

And, yet, the ad focuses on TV figures, which makes a weird sort of Trumpian sense given that this president pretty much reacts to whatever he sees on television.

0:06 – The ad rolls out shots of Rep. Maxine Waters and Rep. Steny Hoyer, Democrats who have been very vocal in their criticism of Trump, calling them “career politicians” who keep “standing in the way of success” for Trump. For whatever criticism these two lawmakers may deserve, it’s incredibly misplaced here.

This cannot be stressed enough: the GOP has a majority in both houses and the president is a Republican so if you still can’t get your agenda through, you might want to do a little soul searching.

0:09 – “But President Trump’s plan is working!” The issue here is: which plan?

IS AMERICA GREAT AGAIN YET OR NAH?

Image: YouTube

His health care reform? His border wall? The Mueller investigation into Russian involvement in the election? A stable White House staff?

This is a particular moment where time feels like it slows down to a crawl, the past and future visible from the same fixed point in space, warping around me like a stream around a stone, polishing me down until I am nothing.

0:10 – There’s a lot of touting of strong economic numbers and we know our president has a way of touting economic milestones that are either misleading or not a result of his work.

Remember when Trump said jobless numbers were phony until they magically weren’t anymore?

It’s hard to take anyone that admits this seriously though that doesn’t stop Trump from expecting voters to.

0:20 – The military is strong! Look at this mighty plane and aircraft carrier. Behold, the power of a man leading a nation to nuclear war via Twitter!

0:23 – In case you were still wondering how Trump feels about the press, we return to the same collage of TV news anchors with the voiceover proclaiming, “The president’s enemies don’t want him to succeed.”

Again, Trump is treading on dangerous but familiar ground by proclaiming the press as the enemy and hatching a conspiracy that reaches Nixon-level paranoia. If this ad were two minutes long (God help us), it’d be a soft first step toward a Two-Minute Hate.

And what better time, really, to release a campaign ad denouncing the free press as the enemy of the people than after a violence-marred weekend involving Nazis who were emboldened by your success and rhetoric?

0:27 – “Americans are saying ‘Let President Trump do his job’.”

Well, if you consider abysmally low approval ratings as a way of saying, “Get the hell off Twitter and start doing your damn job,” then, yes, this line of reasoning works.

If time is really a flat circle, then may it eventually spin fast enough to launch me off into the nethersphere where I can at last be at peace.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/08/14/trump-campaign-ad-freedom-of-press/

There’s a good reason governments aren’t startups

Jeb Bush wearing a hoodie in a video message to Mark Zuckerberg.
Image: shutterstock/jeb!/mashable composite

The hot new name in tech is France, a centuries-old startup that provides security, healthcare, and education in exchange for taxes.

Newly elected French president Emmanuel Macron said on Thursday that the country needs to “think and move more like a startup” and, presumably, less like a stodgy social democracy.

“When an entrepreneur has too much success, he gets stigmatized and, in general, he gets taxed. This is over!” Macron told a crowd of techies in Paris, according to Reuters. “We will drive through these [sic] transformation without delay.”

That transformation involves cutting corporate taxes, peeling back France’s stringent labor laws, and deregulating small businesses.

“To put it in one word: Entrepreneur is the new France,” the ex-investment banker said.

Macron isn’t the first world leader to try to spin public service as ripe for Silicon Valley-style disruption the notion that sprawling bureaucracy might be molded into a nimble, high-tech enterprise seems to allure politicians on both sides of the aisle, particularly in America.

The Obama administration imitated tech-business culture with chief technology and performance officers, hackathons, and a core group of technologists referred to as a “startup within the White House” (Obama has been clear about the fundamental differences between leading a government and a private business, though.)

Hillary Clinton promised to entrench and expand Obama’s Silicon Valley partnership programs that enlisted tech professionals to streamline services and boost “customer service metrics” with a “Yelp for government”

Then there’s the business fetishist who currently occupies the Oval Office. One of Donald Trump’s first moves as president was to tap his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, as head of a newly created innovation office with the vague goal of reshaping Washington’s red tape in the image of the private sector.

Trump caught flak for the overblown tone of the rollout, but Obama, Hillary Clinton, George H.W. Bush, and George W. Bush have all proposed similar management teams at one point or another.

“The government should be run like a great American company,” Kushner told the Washington Post. “Our hope is that we can achieve successes and efficiencies for our customers, who are the citizens.”

The government-as-a-business clich has existed since at least the 1930s, and it’s easy to see its durable appeal. Why wouldn’t we want to whittle away institutional glut to make the government more responsive to public demand?

Silicon Valley’s innovation worship and “making the world a better place” PR mantra add a new sheen to the idea. And there’s no question government services are in dire need of a tech overhaul.

But doing so with a startup mindset misses the whole point of a government.

Businesses are efficient and responsive for one reason. Like trees that bend towards the sunlight, they’re organized entirely in service of maximizing profit. Absent market forces, C-suite titles, motivational acronyms, and MBAs don’t necessarily count for much on their own.

Markets aren’t perfect, and profit doesn’t necessarily equal public good. The government does many of the things it does because they don’t make business sense food stamps, public transit, senior healthcare. It’s able to borrow heavily and fund projects at a scale that businesses can’t or won’t match. No one would be incentivized to offer many of these services if the state didn’t. We know this because there are places where it doesn’t, and no one does.

Obama alluded to some of the added difficulties of government projects in a mocking second-hand rebuke to some tech CEOs who had apparently tried to lecture him about leadership.

“If all I was doing was making a widget or producing an app, and I didnt have to worry about whether poor people could afford the widget, or I didnt have to worry about whether the app had some unintended consequences setting aside my Syria and Yemen portfolio then I think those suggestions are terrific,” Obama said at a conference in Pittsburgh last year.

Unchecked capitalism also doesn’t have a great track record at, say, preventing climate change, keeping machinery from killing workers, or not causing cataclysmic global financial shocks. One major role of government has been to blunt these sharp edges, and that’s not especially efficient in a strict profit sense.

The government even absorbs some of the negative impact caused by corporations themselves. When McDonald’s or Walmart won’t pay a living wage or provide benefits, for instance, workers often have turn to food stamps or Medicaid. There’s an argument to be made that taxpayers are effectively subsidizing these massive companies.

Tech companies, in particular, challenge this notion. To many of the industry’s true believers, market failures exist because some bold innovator hasn’t yet invented or assembled technology that would enable a solution.

Society mostly views innovation as an unqualified good, and Silicon Valley giants use this fact to play down their bald corporate side. Their offices are “campuses,” their moguls are “visionaries,” their emerging market business plays are about “changing the world.”

New technology has helped open markets and serve needs that weren’t being met. But it has plenty of blindspots of its own. Just look at the glaring lack of broadband in rural areas (where are Mark Zuckerberg’s drones?) or skyrocketing healthcare costs that startups like Theranos were supposed to help alleviate.

The view also ignores that the world’s most prolific and least efficient incubator isn’t in Palo Alto or San Francisco. It’s our massive defense complex. Most of the technology that powers an iPhone the internet, GPS, touch screen came from public research labs, according to economist Mariana Mazzucato, author of The Entrepreneurial State: Debunking Private vs. Public Sector Myths.

In fact, R&D Magazine claims that 90 of the 100 most important innovations between 1971 and 2006 depended heavily on public funding.

That’s not to detract from Steve Jobs’ legacy, but it does beg the question of whether these technologies would exist if researchers weren’t afforded the federal government’s patience and resources to make things that weren’t intuitively marketable. Could a startup government have invented the internet? For all of Silicon Valley’s fast-moving things-breaking and willingness to burn ungodly amounts of cash, probably not.

One would hope a government without a bloated military industrial complex, byzantine institutions, and crumbling infrastructure could as well, though. But Uber-for-governing won’t necessarily fix that.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/06/17/governments-shouldnt-be-startups/

Tips for dealing with a toddler and also Donald Trump

President Donald Trump speaks during a news conference with Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos.
Image: AP/REX/Shutterstock

Donald Trump is a man whose behavior follows the whim of his impulses and tantrums, much like a toddler, and the world is scrambling to accommodate it.

Officials in the White House and from governments around the globe have tailored aspects of governance to the new president to fit his notoriously short attention span and need for praise.

While most toddlers don’t have access to the nuclear codes, the advice for dealing with the president can also work for your kids at home.

Please keep your speeches really brief

Image: AP/REX/Shutterstock

The president’s attention span is not known for being long, and NATO officials are telling leaders around the globe to tighten their speeches to 2-4 minutes, lest the president’s mind wander, according to Foreign Policy.

Make sure you tell him how well he’s doing

hahaha

Image: AP/REX/Shutterstock

As president, Trump is often briefed on matters of national security. But Trump doesn’t much like to read, so National Security Council folks have had to take creative approaches to getting Trump to finish their briefings.

Something they’ve found that works? Mentioning his name in “as many paragraphs as we can,” one source told Reuters.

Remember, he doesn’t understand some things

Image: Peter Brooker/REX/Shutterstock

White House officials have tried many times and in many different ways to defend the president’s disclosure of classified information to Russian politicians during a meeting at the White House earlier this month.

What several of them did not say publicly but did anonymously tell The New York Times is that Trump couldn’t have divulged the ways and means of the U.S. intelligence-gathering processes because the president never bothered to learn them.

Just keep him happy with ice cream

Image: andrew Gombert/EPA/REX/Shutterstock

When desert is some pie with a side of ice cream, everyone gets a single scoop. Unless you’re the president, in which case you get twice as many scoops.

Remember, if the worst capitulation you agree to is ice cream, you’re probably doing fine.

Speak soothingly

Image: Jim Cole/AP/REX/Shutterstock

When Trump is upset, he has his friends speak soothing sounds to him over the phone. Those friends include Fox News Executive Chairman Rupert Murdoch, Fox News anchor Sean Hannity, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, and a few billionaires. Richer friends/parents than a toddler is likely to have, but you get the idea.

Bonus: Truck photos

Remember that time Trump hopped inside a truck and smushed his face “into an excited scream” for the cameras?

Trump gets in the driver’s seat of an 18-wheeler while meeting with truck drivers and trucking CEOs.

Image: jim LO SCALZO/EPA/REX/Shutterstock

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/05/20/donald-trump-toddler/

Here’s what it’ll take for Republicans to actually impeach Trump

Image: chip somodevilla/Getty Images

For President Trump, every new day brings a new impeachable offense.

The list of seemingly impeachable crimes grows by the minute one second, he’s leaking secrets to a foreign adversary, the next, he’s openly admitting to obstruction of justice on national television. But contrary to what you may have heard from the lamestream media, Congressional Republicans aren’t afraid of him.

They’re more than willing to impeach the president, assuming he commits what they consider an impeachable offense.

Below are a list of crimes that Congressional Republicans would consider impeachable offenses. Of course, they’d need a large number of votes to secure impeachment, including the House and two thirds of the Senate. If Trump commits one of these offenses, however, they’ll courageously push forward their Oath is to the Constitution, not the President.

1. Destroys 90 percent of the civilized world

Let’s be honest: do we really need 100 percent of the Western world? Who’s really going to miss Luxembourg?

If President Trump wants to destroy most of the civilized world, that’s completely within his Constitutional right but once he starts going after their Caribbean all-inclusives, they will consider a strong talking-to.

2. Instead of shooting someone on Fifth Avenue, tries to give them health insurance

If President Trump wants to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue, that’s absolutely within his jurisdiction as president. Were he to try and give them actual insurance, that would be considered extreme executive overreach and an impeachable offense.

3. Says something nice about Hillary

Hating Hillary Clinton is the GOP’s only consistent policy position over the last 20 years. They’re not going to allow Trump to go rogue on this one.

4. Uses the nuclear weapon arsenal to destroy the sun

The moon? No problem. Losing the sun, however, will affect the tan lines they’ve spent their whole career building. Impeach!

5. Jeopardizes their chance for re-election

As president, Trump has the right to do whatever the hell he wants. If, however, the president in any way effects the party’s chances for re-election, Congress retains the right to impeach him and replace him with someone way hotter.

6. Dies

The GOP will gladly take up articles of impeachment once Trump is already dead.

7. Commits to what he promised during the election

If Trump actually tries to rebuild the manufacturing sector or protect Medicare and Social Security or try to give healthcare to everyone, that will be considered an impeachable offense.

8. Lets his approval rating drop below 30 percent

Low approval ratings are an impeachable offense, per an article written by Paul Ryan on Medium.

9. Goes to jail

If the President goes to jail, Congress will potentially consider articles of impeachment if and only if it prevents him from signing their executive orders.

10. Raises their taxes

The founding fathers dreamed of a country free of estate taxes and rich with capital gains loopholes. If Trump does anything that affects their personal incomes, or the assets of lobbyists they care about, that is a sure sign that he has gone too far, and that he will be removed from office once and for all.

Maybe.

Read more: http://mashable.com/2017/05/17/what-takes-trump-impeached/